Counting The Cost

Its been, nearly a month since I left for training. In my time of training, I've had ample time to learn, reflect, and more importantly grow in my spiritual walk.

There's something refreshing about being surrounded by people who are like minded. I'm around people who are adventurous, who speak more than one language and are eager to learn more. They love Jesus... all in their own unique way. But the one similarity that has developed over time. Is the reality of counting the cost of missions.

The harsh reality is that some of us, may never come back. We may never see our families and friends ever again. The people that I have gotten to know will face certain danger. Danger is in abundance, from the vast lands of Asia to the instability of the Middle East and North Africa.

I'm humbled to see the amount of parents who are taking there kids to these places. Showing there faith in Christ, not knowing the future.

I feel very blessed to be surrounded by so many willing witnesses. I have broken bread with them, talked in depth about the Bible, and even played sports. However, our time together will end and we leave to spread God's Word.

We all know the cost each of us face. Some are more daunting then others, but the goal is still the same. I may be in the urban jungle of Tokyo, but I know there is a lot of Japanese people who need Jesus. I know my cost is low compared to others. To be frank, I struggle with that...but as one brother told me.

"God placed you where He needed you, I wouldn't be able to live in a urban setting."

I know my place and I have counted the cost.

For His Glory.

Entitlement vs. Privilege: The On Going Struggle

San Antonio, Texas the place I call home, became a living nightmare for me. As I prepared to leave San Antonio, for the first time. I couldn't help, but count the days. I was so ready to leave. I felt trapped, unproductive, and entitled the latter being the reason for leaving so bitter. I left San Antonio, so angry, at so many people.

I felt that, I had been used and abused at the same time. That I had been left on the street, after being mugged. No one coming to my care, or asking if I needed help. I felt alone. I allowed this entitlement to drive my thought process and how I reacted to my bitterness.

As I left, I thought I was the better person. That I had it all figured out. Entitlement is a slippery slope to nowhere, it gives satan the angle he needs to create havoc in your life.

Peter disowned Jesus THREE times, however, Jesus respond out of love. Jesus, could of easily said " You fool, have you not seen what I have done?" Jesus had that chance to feel entitled. Because of how Jesus responded, Peter saw how privledged he was.... to be in His presence.


Now after time, to reflect.... I see how pompous I was.... I felt very entitled. I realized, when I return home I need to mend some broken friendships. That there is a constant battle going on between grace and pride.

Knowing that you come from a privileged setting, it humbles the person overall. Humility claims that we have no idea what we are doing. Entitlement claims we know and to move out of our way!


I have no idea what I'm doing, but I willing to learn. I know how blessed I am. I know, I'm in a position to serve God in Japan.

I'm truly humbled by that .....

Under construction, a work in progress aren't we all? How do you approach your everyday life?

Do you feel privileged or entitled?

Pray Persistently

When anticipation becomes reality, we are never ready for the subtle truths that come our way.

For the past couple of days, I have struggled to understand what it means to be a prayer warrior. Prayer is something, that most people know how to start. But why is praying, so hard for us to do? It appears prayer becomes a convenient practice, when we are struggling. Yet, when all is well..... prayer seems like a distance memory.

Thus far, this has been my mindset. Prayer is important, vital to survive this battle we are fighting. As I inch, closer to the mission field. I'm beginning to realize, prayer MUST become a persistent and daily practice. I have been convicted of my lack of prayer.

Often times, its a "churchy term" we throw around. "I will pray for you brother/sister." But do we really mean it? Or is something we say in the "heat of the moment" that sounds right and originally "churchy"?

Those are the questions I ponder. I've been told by many people, that they will be praying for me. But do they mean it? But how can we make prayer more than, just a meal time ritual?

When I leave for Japan. Prayer will be key to my spiritual survival. Satan knows what I am doing and he does not like it. Prayer is important, it requires us to fight our spiritual battles on our knees, rather than on your own.

What does your prayer life look like?

More to come from my thoughts, while at training. New blog in the works, will be launched in 2012.

The Other Side

Conflict, being challenged, and simply feeling you got the raw deal its inevitable in this life. All those things come our way, whether we like them are not. Yet, whenever our rage, sadness, disappoint, angry, disgust, and all other emotions come into play. Its hard to see the other side.

We get so fixated our own personally custom made view that only pleases our perspective of the situation. We become disillusioned by the truth and take no time to hear people out. We rely on assumptions and speculation. At times, we paint a false picture of the entire situation.

However, its not only important to hear people view's, but to dig deep together as to why? People ruin friendships based on what they think and fail to seek what's the truth.

We avoid conflict and being challenged for that very reason. That we maybe wrong and they are right. Its one the world's greatest motivations we have. To center everything to ourselves, when the reality is, other people are involved.

The underline point. When you encounter a problem with a friend, family, think first to seek how they feel. Then express your view, when the feeling is raw we tend to be so bias and critical of the other.

It's a tricky thing to do, but it's imperative. One day in the future you will dawn on it and it will bother you. Seek forgiveness, give forgiveness that's the heart of it all.

To see, feel, and experience the other side.

The Push

God allows us, to go through certain things. So that, in the future we are equipped to help someone going through something similar.

Case and point. A young 20 year old man who was born with a bum leg. When he was little, he could not go to school, because his leg would not allow him to walk great distances. He never finished school, also, he found out he has a learning disability. Through all this he is trying to learn English. He feels alone, stupid, ill- equipped for his own ambitions.

I know, the struggle of feeling insufficient towards school. I also know the battle of having a learning disability. He has been a life long battle. So, I sat there hold back tears, praying for a friend. But, when I finished the prayer. I told him that he must have confidence in himself, but more importantly confidence in the plans that Jesus has for him.

The push was given. I too received a push from someone who helped me, when I felt just like this 20 year old. The push is to seek God fully to know that you know nothing, that you must fully surrender.

Our conversation ended. The push had been given he was smiling. We exchanged contact information. I could not help but cry and see that God had just shown himself to him.

That my struggle, inability was used as strength for someone else. He waved bye. I now realize your weakness is your strength.

Consistency: People Are Inconsistent

As humans we can try to be consistent in everything we do. Yet, we will fail in this endeavor, we call consistency. We want it, most of us want to emulate it. But the reality is we are not built to be consistent. The only thing that really is consistent is how inconsistent we are....

Which brings me to this. I grew up in a very consistent environment. My family was a family that strive for consistency. My parents were always there for my brother, sister and I. We always had food on the table. There were no internal family struggles, that were tearing us apart. But, by no means were we perfect. Overall, I had an expectation of people, because of my environment. That people were going to be consistent.

It has taken me a long time to realize. People will fail you, hurt you, deceive you among other things. But the real problem is that most of us, hinge everything we have on people. In many ways, its a 50/50 chance of success or fail. Not good odds.

So, over time I have started to see my reliance on people. And why I have pursued it human interaction, friendships, relationships etc. Those things are good, but they can hinder us in our pursuit of relying on something much bigger and better.

Hebrew 13:8 clearly states the consistency of Christ. Which means his love, patience, wisdom, hope, goodness and all that He is remains the same. It never changes, Christ does not leave you, ignore you, deceive you, like people.

Our dependence should be on Christ and Christ alone. You might say, this is obvious! And I would respond with " of course" but why do we neglect this simple truth? Why do we so heavily rely on people to fix things for us?

Christ is the only constant we will ever encounter. People are a crutch to us, in allowing God to be our constant.

People can serve as a great outlet for us. It is imperative to have people around us to cry with, listen too, vent too, and fellowship together.

But don't let it become your crutch in approaching God for your ultimate source of consistency.

Roots: I'm a Panamexrican

Hello, my fellow bloggers.

It has been quite some time.

When I was little I was embarrassed of my background. Background meaning, ethnicity.
My dad is from Mexico, my mom is from Panama. I grew up with Spanish being my first language. However, overtime my kindergarten teacher realized how poor my English was, so she suggested I get tested.

After several test, I was diagnosed with a learning disability. It was recommended to my parents, that they speak English to me. Once this happen, my connection to my roots, my culture, slowly, faded away. Language is the key to understanding your culture.

I understood Spanish, but I dare not speak it. Even with my family from Mexico or Panama I refused to speak it. I grew embarrassed of where I came from, where my parents were from.

They pronounced words differently in English. My dad would kiss my forehead in public before he dropped me off for school. I hated that. Kids would laugh.

I felt very alone, going to a predominantly, white school I had no one to relate to. Over time, I grew accustomed to my environment. I grew further away, from my culture, my family in Mexico and Panama. To be frank, I did not have the slightest interest in getting to know them. I hated traveling down to either country.

But once I hit the latter part of middle school. My interest sparked. I decided to take Spanish classes in high school. Perhaps, it was only a matter of time. That my interest in my culture, my family history would matter to me.

After years, of catching up on my Spanish. College came around and I took advance classes. I decided to minor in Spanish. Turned out to be one of the best decisions I made.

The underline point: I struggled with my identity. I had an identity crisis. In high school, I was surrounded by people who looked like me, talked like me, had parents from other countries. It was comforting.

Now I can say I am proud of who I am. Where my parents come from, that they both speak Spanish. That my cousins and grand parents live thousand of miles away. That is my reality. And in time I embraced it.

I finally, took pride in my culture, my family, and all the other elements surrounding it.

Which begs the question. Are you proud of your culture, family background? I know a lot of people who struggle with this. We come from the same piece of land we call earth, though we may not look alike. We do share a commonality. We all have a story of family, culture, language, and experiences etc.

Remember that! This world is a diverse world. It took me a long time to see that. But when I realized it, my eyes opened up to a whole new world.

I'm proud to say I'm a Panamexrican!